I’m not one to believe in New Year’s Resolutions. At least not when it comes to quantitative resolutions. The cynical side of me knows that I will never be the girl who counts her daily water consumption or the girl who regulates her sleeping schedule to a T. I’ll leave that to those with more patience. Instead, I prefer the ‘vague’ resolutions; the ones that aren’t necessarily measured by defined units.
In the beginning of 2016, I thought I had lived the best year of my life in 2015. I had finally escaped the confines of high school and entered the ‘real world’ in a country that I didn’t belong to. I thought I had stepped out of my comfort zone and found happiness again. Boy was I wrong. I’m writing this with a sly smile twisted on my face. Lucia of 2015 had no idea what 2016 had in store for her.
Granted, I spent January in tears with my heart breaking every day. Hope and success was something that was so far-fetched in my mind. Of course I still believed in my own success, but I couldn’t join the dots between my current moment and potential success. The world felt like a literal joke; after the elation I had felt in late 2015, I couldn’t believe I had landed back on what felt like square one. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. It wasn’t rock bottom, but it was bloody close to that.
And then out of nowhere, things started to come together piece by piece. I learnt so much this year. I learnt not to take myself seriously and to let things roll off my back. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I definitely have embarrassing moments that haunt me till now and make me question my very existence. But that’s life, and life happens. We’re here to make fools of ourselves and what would life be if we were all picture perfect? I also finally understood what people meant when they said ‘if you want something, you have to ask for it’. Frankly, if I hadn’t at least asked the question, I would currently be leading a very unsatisfactory life; one filled with ‘what ifs’. I’m glad I followed my gut and I’m glad I pressed ‘send’ on that one email.
If I had to summarise the highlights of 2016 in one paragraph, this would be it:
“One-to-one conversations with my dad. Getting to know him better. Cruising down highways at 4AM. Midnight walks. Late night cigarettes. Sitting on balconies. Staring at the moon. Omelettes and coffee before work. Seeing old friends. Piggybacking after a party because the shoes I had borrowed didn’t fit right. 3AM McDonald’s. A walk in Hyde Park. My first night in a hostel. Watching a sex show. Making spontaneous friends. Eating chips on the edge of canals. Tripping up steep stairs. Writing prose and poetry. Playing around with my camera. Exploring creative outlets. Coding a website theme. Solo travelling. Learning the beauty of one-night friendships. Skinny dipping. Feeling like a family after five days. Living in the present, being spontaneous. Saying ‘yeah, why not’ a lot. Allowing myself to be charmed once more. Stargazing on beaches. Feeling the sand between my toes and the waves against my legs. Cruising along sandy coasts. Camping. Canoes and campfires. Red water. Blue water. Black water. Clear water. Snorkelling. My first shooting star. Cupcake face. Goon. Drinking games that end in tears of laughter. Beautiful sunsets and a rainforest. Spontaneous wander alone through Singapore during a 3-hour layover. No plans, no map, nobody. Just a return ticket to a stop I overheard in a random couple’s conversation. Summer barbecues. Stifling heat. A trip to Disneyland. A hilarious dinner at ASK. Experimental cocktail evening. Croatian bar crawls and beaches. Game of Thrones alleyways. Freshers 2016. Balls and parties, wine and champagne. Jack Daniels – a lot of it. Enough Domino’s and Nando’s to last me a lifetime. Late night conversations. The potential of a new dream.”
Since last year, I’ve been making it a point to not write a multitude of New Year’s Resolutions. Less is more; they’re easier to keep track of and maintaining mindfulness of them is less of a hassle. (Also, I do tend to expand on them a lot in my journal.) Goals however, are an entirely different matter. Those are just fun little things I like to write up to challenge myself in case I run out of things to do over the course of the year. (As if that realistically ever happens though.)
- Make more mistakes.
- Keep immersing yourself in new experiences.
- It’s alright if you don’t want to give others the chance to help you.
- Give yourself the room to be creative again.
- Manage your time better and keep working on devoting all your attention on one thing at a time.
- Let yourself dream, just one more time. ‘Third time’s the charm’ they say.
2017 Goals will come in the next post!